We Are Golden
I believe in you. You can achieve anything you set your mind to. You are special. You are loved.
No, I’m not rambling on phrases that don’t have meaning. I believe in them. I believe in every person reading this that they can believe in them too.
Have you thought about the people who love you lately? Who topped the list? Was it you? Have you told yourself that you love yourself today? No? I didn’t think so. Take this time to walk over to a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say “I love you.”
How did that make you feel? Do you believe it? Did you feel silly?
I want you to sit back and think. What was the last thing you did for yourself? How did it make you feel? Can you even remember when that last time was? Or are you usually giving time to your work and friends?
How do you treat your friends? Are they your entire world? Good, they should be. Sort of. Would you treat your friends the way you treat yourself?
I didn’t think so.
This is a dedication to all the people in your life who thought less of you. All the people who didn’t fully believe in you. All the people who made you want to change your life around and you didn’t. All the people who disrespected you in anyway, but you took the abuse because you were looking for someone else’s love. This doesn’t just have to be one person. My list varies from family members, ex-boyfriends, friends, the girls in high school who I always believed were better than me and most importantly, myself – the biggest demon of all.
You know that old, annoying saying, “You can’t love somebody until you love yourself?”
I’m sorry. It’s true. I didn’t believe it. I’ve loved and lost. I was often losing myself. I molded myself to make others happy. I changed to fit in. I wanted to make sure I was what others wanted me to be, whether that was as a daughter, a friend, a lover or even the person I wanted to be.
Many people in my life have tried to tear me down. Normally without full knowledge they were doing it. They, themselves, weren’t entirely happy either. I wish them the best on the journey they haven’t realized they’ve needed to take.
I’ve let people dictate my emotions. I’ve let them congest my thoughts.
But guess what?
I’m not weak,
I’m not broken,
I am bold.
Recently, I’ve had a few friends come to me saying they wanted to be loved by someone, they wanted to be someone’s priority. The common denominator? They weren’t a priority to themselves.
If you want to be a priority to someone, that person needs to be your priority. Where does that leave you? Before you can have someone else be a priority in your life, you have to learn to maintain your own happiness. Most of us struggle to love ourselves. Most of us struggle to say no to doing something because we feel an obligation whether it be for work, a friend, or a lover. We have no obligation except to ensure that we are happy.
Think about those people who came in and out of your life. Those people who you believed would give you everything you needed, but they failed. Who were those people who put you on fire and left you to burn?
Smile if they are no longer there. They did you a favor. They don’t deserve to see the real you – the golden you. They don’t deserve to see the wonderful person you are turning into because they couldn’t be there when the going got tough.
You’ll be thinking damn I knew her
But you didn’t
Don’t get it twisted
It’s a horrible feeling when you place your trust upon someone and they let you down. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be heartbroken. Of course you should, you loved that person and they disappointed you. You have every right to feel what you feel. But I want you to look inside yourself.
Are you happy? At the end of the day you have no one but yourself, do you like who you see in the mirror? Could you make happier, healthier changes for you?
What have you been putting off? Going to the gym? Taking up yoga or meditation? Going to get a manicure? Letting yourself rest on the weekend and eating take out without feeling guilty?
No one is in charge of you, but yourself. You need to be your first choice before anyone else.
I’ve been up and down and around the world. I’ve been through a journey that I never thought would end. But you know what? I wake up and I’m happy more often than not. I sit back and wonder why I’m in a good mood without just accepting it. It’s a peace of mind I’ve never felt before. I’m growing interested in things I couldn’t care for before, not because I didn’t want to, but because I spent so much time hating myself and the way I was living my life that I literally didn’t have space in my brain to care about other things. I have space and time to grow now instead of circling in the same old rut.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it’ll change over night. Just the other day I hated everything and everyone. I’m not perfect, but I don’t want to be. The beauty in those off days are that they are rare. Yes, they come at full force, but that’s because every other day I’m happy without even realizing it’s odd. Because it shouldn’t be. I deserve to be happy and I am aware of that now.
I know how I want to be treated. I recognize when I’m not being treated the way I want. And I am working through changing relationships on my terms instead of other people’s terms. At the end of the day, my successes are my own and no one else’s.
I don’t regret letting anyone into my life that has hurt me. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I went through everything I did, all the sleepless nights and all the tears. The depression and the anxiety. I felt it all. I wouldn’t change it for the world because now I am able to offer help to my friends. To the world, if possible. I am able to be that person to my friends that I wish I had listened to before. The best part is that they believe it more because they’ve seen the changes in me. They see the real, authentic, unapologetic person I am. I’m sorry for those who left and aren’t able to see me, but I don’t have time to dwell on them, they have to figure out their own discoveries.
The most empowering feeling of all is knowing that you can do what you set your mind to. You can achieve your ultimate happiness. The only reason something is impossible is because you are standing in your own way. You’re the one holding yourself back. So step aside, take a deep breath and smile. Are you up for the challenge?
I believe in you.
All the things that you said I couldn’t do
Guess what, Yes I can
Song quoted: “Golden” by Ruth B
Originally published on timeisnoenemy.wordpress.com.